Computer Geeks I've waited for over a month now to download AOL 9.0 Optimized. What's so great about it, you ask? Hell if I know. I just want the latest version with the cool icons and the new looking screen. I'm no techno geek, so doing something like "loading software" is a major accomplishment for me.

Imagine my horror to find out that I didn't have enough "RAM" to run 9.0! I was told that installing more RAM was actually a simple task. I simply needed to visit my local Circuit City, tell the kind and knowledgeable salesperson my quandry and what type of PC I had, and voila! I would walk out the proud owner of 128mb of RAM. WHAM, BAM, thank you RAM, I'd be in business.

Anyone who knows me and knows my experiences with all things technical has probably figured out by now that things didn't actually end up "happily ever after".

First, I came home and armed myself with a Phillips Screwdriver out of my cute little toolbox. I removed all the screws on the back of my tower and for the life of me I could not get the cover off. WTF??? It seemed simple enough. I was armed with RAM, I knew where to stick it...but I couldn't remove the d...king PC cover. I suck. RAM installation aborted.

This morning, I awoke with a new resolve. If I had to take a goddamned hammer to this thing, I WOULD get it open. Thankfully, that wasn't necessary and with a little more patience, victory would be mine.

Next, I opened the indestructible plastic box that contained the precious RAM (side note: don't you just love to say "RAM"? There is something sexy about needing more "RAM"! Er...or maybe that's just me) I held the holy grail in my hand and proceeded to insert it in the spot where the knowledgeable and kind salesman instructed me to do so.


%$^#%@*!@^$^%!!!!!!

It didn't fit.

At this point, I'm frustrated and I'm p-o'd. I grab the box, receipt and my whole d...king PC and jump in my car, drive like the dickens and arrive at Circuit City not too long after they have opened their doors.

I proceed to explain my dilemma to Russell, the very young looking, Customer Service Rep. Russell takes the RAM that was no good, and scans my receipt. He then directs me to the Computer Department for assitance on rectifying my problem.

I approach another young looking boy wearing a Circuit City shirt and ask if he can help me. "Excuse me? Can you assist me with increasing RAM for my computer?"

"Uh..I don't really know anything about RAM."

And...he's working in the Computer Department, why??

"Okay. Could you help me find someone else that might be able to assist me?"

"Hey, Adrien? Do you know anything about RAM?", he asks another even younger looking (is that even possible?) salesclerk.

"Nah. Not really. Maybe ask Scott."

Just my luck. Scott didn't know too much about RAM either, but was willing to give it a shot. Lucky me. He asks me to go to my car and get my PC. I do. He then proceeded to sell me another chip of RAM that didn't fit. But wait! Turns out I was trying to fit it in the wrong spot, thanks to the expert tutlege of the knowledgeable salesman from yesterday. (Side note: Why do almost all computer "salespeople" have long stringy hair in a ponytail?)

It gets better. Once, the correct spot was identified, I could not, no matter how hard I tried, get the chip to fit in the connection. I asked for help, but the boys at Circuit City are not allowed to touch your computer. (Gee, I wonder why???) Scott actually tried to help me anyway, while keeping a keen eye out for his manager.

45 minutes later, I walked out of Circuit City with new RAM that was not installed and a look of utter disgust on my face.

Five minutes down the road, I see a place called "Holy Grail Electronics." I make a sudden turn in, enter and giving my best puppy dog face ask for help.

I wanted to french kiss the tech, (No...seriously...he was CUTE and no ponytail! Bonus) when I walked out ten minutes later with 128mb of new RAM. Plus, he didn't charge me for installation and he gave me a new chip since the second one I purchased from ThatPlaceThatDoesntKnowWhatTheD*ckTheyWereDoing, was the wrong speed! Grrr.

Next, I had to go back to the aforementioned place that was now Number One on my shootlist, get a refund for the first chip that Russell (Remember him?) forgot to give me originally...PLUS, return the second chip which was also no good. Grrrr.

Finally, I was able to come home, screw on the back to my PC, plug everything back in, and begin to download AOL 9.0.

Was it worth it, you might ask? I'll let you know in about three hours. Yeah. The download takes THREE hours with a 56K modem.

Bastards.

by Deana Doyle bee.ennenn@gmail.com