SAYING "THANK YOU"

In the last few years, as my symptoms of Parkinson's disease have exacerbated, I have found myself at the receiving end of a lot of help from strangers. If there is a silver lining to this awful disease, it is the frequent reminder of how nice people are.

At first, I was so embarrassed to need help that I wasn't very gracious about receiving it. But surliness isn't a very good reward for kindness. So, I resolved to make it a point to thank anyone who helped me.

I had never really thought about saying "thank you." It is an automatic response in American society. Newcomers to the U.S. report that Americans say "thanks" with dizzying frequency. We thank the waitress for bringing our food, the bus driver for opening the door to let us out, the incoming caller for leaving a message on our answering machine, our spouse for handing us the salt. We have variations on the words we use: "thanks," "thank you," "thanks a lot," "thank you so much." We can make a phone call of thanks, write thank you letters, buy thank you cards, send an e-mail message or an e-card.

But how do we thank people who have performed a significant service for us? This is not automatic. In fact, there are often not even obvious avenues for doing so, I have discovered. What is the appropriate way to thank someone who just picked me up after I fell down in Times Square? To thank someone for sending me an extraordinary thank you letter? To thank the customer service representative who rescued me from voice mail hell? To thank the cop on the beat for coming by to check on me because I am disabled? To thank the event staff at Shoreline Amphitheater for helping my fellow dog owners and me reach the dog park with a minimum of trouble on event days? To thank the City's transportation department for responding promptly to my inquiry about potholes and street sweeping on the alley where I live? And, furthermore, for solving my problems?

There are no standard or obvious ways to express thanks for these kindnesses. I have several times made a significant effort to write a letter of thanks for extraordinary service by an employee of a large company. To my chagrin, these letters have never been acknowledged. It is not that people don't appreciate being thanked, but rather that they receive compliments so infrequently that they don't know how to handle them. Often we have come to see the world as a place where criticism and complaints rule the day. Also, saying a sincere "thank you" requires that one expose oneself and acknowledge one's weaknesses.

Because I so often get help, I now make the effort to try to thank everyone who assists me. I wish there were some easy ways to thank people for extraordinary assistance. For instance, one year the Palo Alto Animal Control officers issued special "tickets" for people who were walking their dogs on a leash in compliance with the law. I received one of these tickets and was very surprised and gratified-especially since my dog was unlicensed at the time. Similarly, we need a special thank you card that individuals could acquire and give out in appreciation of good deeds. After hitting 50 or 100 assistance home runs, recipients would be nominated for the "Thank You Hall of Fame."

The idea may be silly, but saying "thank you" and meaning it is not.