" Forget about it"

Once upon a time, there was an old goat with seven delightful little kids. She loved them very much, but she struggled to take care of them because their father had long ago taken off with a younger goat and
hardly ever sent kid support.

So one day the old goat gathered her seven kids around her and said, "Children dear, I am going to the store to buy some food. I have no choice. If I do not, you will go hungry. Now, I am not supposed to leave you unattended, so you must be on guard against the wolf from Social Services. If he gets in, he will round you all up and take you to the Division of Youth and Family Services, and I will never see you again. No doubt he will disguise himself, but you will know him by his rough voice and his dark feet."

The oldest and most responsible kid assured their mother that they would be fine, and that she could go to the store without worrying. And so the old goat did.

Very soon, someone knocked at the door and called out, "Open up, dear ones. Mama is home from the store."

But the seven kids knew from the rough voice that it was the wolf from Social Services. "Go away," they said. "Our mother's voice is soft and sweet, but your voice is rough. You are the wolf!"

So the wolf went to the corner pharmacy and bought some sore throat spray, which numbed his throat a little. He took the lid off the bottle and swallowed some, and that made his voice soft. He knocked on the goats' door and said in a sweet voice, "Open the door, darling children. I've brought each of you a Happy Meal!"

The younger goats thought it was their mother at the door, but the older ones looked out the window and saw one of the wolf's dark paws. "We will not open the door," they said. "Our mother does not have dark feet like you. You are the wolf, trying to fool us again."

This time the wolf went around the block to a baker and said, "I have sprained my foot. Rub some dough on it for me." The baker did. Then the wolf said, "Now sprinkle some white flour on it for me."

The baker thought, this wolf wants to deceive someone, and he refused to do it.

"Listen chump," the wolf growled, "my brother works for the IRS. Make my paw white or he will make your life miserable." Since the baker had overstated his deductions and did not want to get caught, he had to do what the wolf said.

Now, after growling at the baker, the wolf's voice was rough again, so he took another swig of the throat spray. At the goats' front door, he took another swig for good measure and then knocked loudly. "Open the door for me, dear children. My arms are full of grocery bags and we will have a fine dinner."

The voice was soft like their mother's and the paw was white like their mother's, so they opened the door. But who came in? The wolf!

The kids ran in every direction, hiding here and there, but the wolf gathered them up and piled them into the DYFS van. However, he did not find the youngest kid who was smaller than the others and able to hide better.

Soon the old goat came home. She found the door wide open and her house tossed, but she could not find her kids. Suddenly she heard a small voice cry out, "Mother, I am in the dryer. Help me get out!"

When the little kid told his mother what had happened, she cried and cried, thinking she would never see her other kids again. Then she started to think about the wolf from Social Services. "It takes him months and months to get a kid support check out of your father. I leave the house to go to the store, and he's here in a heartbeat to take you away from me!"

The mother goat got very, very angry. Telling the youngest to stay close to her, she marched out the door and headed toward the municipal building. After a sharp bend in the road, what did they see? The DYFS van was crashed into a tree, with the wolf passed out at the steering wheel! The old goat ran to the back of the van, threw the doors open, and out jumped the six missing kids with only a little bit of whiplash between them.

"Hurry, children, go home and pack," the mother goat said. "We are going to move away before the wolf can come back to our door."

So the old goat and her seven little kids moved to another town, where they lived happily ever after. Meanwhile, based on an anonymous telephone tip, the wolf was arrested for DUI and did not bother anyone for a long time.

JoAnne Henderson
10/30/02