Shortly after the Holidays I met with the “Wyldbunch”, a group of friends for lunch. No we aren’t avid fans of Oscar Wild or Marlon Brando nor are we wild, (well, maybe sometimes!) just a group of long time friends too old to be called “Pink Ladies” and too young, way, waaaaay too young to belong to the “Grey Panthers”! It was that wonderful time of year, you know what I mean, no hectic shopping, no razzle dazzle house-cleaning going on and best of all, no cooking for unexpected company. In short, a time to kick back and let the holiday afterglow warm the heart. Most of “the Bunch” was here and we were all seated comfortably enjoying the ambiance of the restaurant and awaiting our orders.

“So Peggie,” I asked "what did you get from John for Christmas?”

“A toilet seat” she replied then slowly sipped her ice tea.

Raising my eyebrows a little I asked, “Did you say a toilet seat?”

“Yes” she replied in the affirmative. “Well I had hinted to John I wanted something gold and round, with Gaelic symbols engraved on it that would fit perfectly. I meant a bracelet but I guess he misunderstood. He bought a wooden toilet seat and painted it gold with little tiny shamrocks on it.”

I stared at her and then had to say it “But does it fit? No! No! Don’t answer that I don’t think I want to know! I just can’t imagine John buying you a toilet seat.”

“Well, I had kind of mentioned that the bathroom seat had a tiny crack that pinched when I sat down. He was so funny giving me the seat. He said only he was allowed to pinch my…”

“Penny, what did you get?” I quickly interjected. Penny and Emma were twins. Not quite identical but difficult to tell apart until you really got to know them.

“I got a vibrating pillow!” She said matter of factly and then I remembered her Christmas gift to me.

“That reminds me Penny, thank you for the hand held massage vibrator suitable for using on the back of your neck or face.”
That’s what the labeling on the package had said. I had been having a series of headaches prior to the Holidays and thought if was really nice of her to buy something that might help.

“Hey, Penny gave me a vibrator too” Mary said.
“Me too,” Peg chimed in
“Make it three,” said Michelle.
“I got one two,” said Gail.

“Yes I got everyone a vibrating hand held massager to ease tension after a long hard day,” Penny smiled enigmatically.

I often wondered what the Mona Lisa was thinking that gave her that cat that ate the canary smile. Penny had that same smile on her face! Maybe she gave Mona a hand held massager too.

“I got a fire extinguisher for Christmas” Gail said cheerily. “From my family! I also got burn cream and Band-Aids too. ”
Gail’s cooking was legendary.

“Did you cook for the Holidays” I inquired.

“Yes, I made a fabulous turkey, just a little burned on the bottom when the oven caught fire! Don’t worry I shut the oven door quickly so the fire didn’t spread past the kitchen. Unfortunately I lost Grandmom’s antique lace towel. It burnt to a crisp” she had a faraway look in her eyes suddenly, and I guessed she was remembering the beautiful lace edged kitchen towel her grandmother had made for her.

“How did you burn the towel Gail, lifting out the bird?" Penny asked.

“No, I had just finished putting all the corn and peas in this lovely blue and white dish using the towel to hold the hot pot handle. Unfortunately when I brought the dish to the table I leaned over and the towel hit the votive candles and caught fire. Amazing how quickly lace burns.”

“Omigosh! Gail, was everyone alright?” Mary questioned.

“Yes, Oh yes, I was so scared of the fire I dropped the towel but Big Steven whipped the tablecloth off the table before it spread too far and little Steven clapped and clapped his hands and yelled 'More!' he thought it was a magic trick!”

“But wasn’t all the food on the table?” I questioned.

“Not after that unfortunately. But there’s always a good side to everything, after we put the fire out and cleaned up, we went to Denny’s restaurant. The turkey was delicious. Little Steven had two helpings!”

“Well I’m getting a specially made iron tripod for my witch’s cauldron.” Mary said.

“Witch’s cauldron? Since when are you a witch?” Said Emma

“You remember my neighbor Irma Boggs don’ t you?” Mary said.

“You mean the lady with the wandering eye who could look in both directions at the same time?”

“Yes that’s the one. Well she died poor thing and relatives were clearing out her house and lo and behold here is this marvelous, huge black caldron. I thought it would be wonderful to have at Halloween time. But it needed a tripod to hang it from. So that’s what I asked Stal to give me for Christmas. It’s being made now at the Ironworks in Smithyville.”

“Well aren’t all those gifts romantic? How creative Santa was this year. Cauldrons, massagers and fire extinguishers” I said.

Emma had remained silent all through the conversation and I realized no one had asked her what Butch had given her for Christmas. I knew Butch would have gotten Emma something feminine and thoughtful. That’s just the kind of guy he is. When he gets home from work he gets the supper ready and doesn't mind pitching in and doing anything around the house. We all envy Em her Butch.

“So Em, what did Butch give you for Christmas?" We all leaned forward and turned toward Em.

“Cottina Bazaar shorts in all different colors,” she replied while chewing her sandwich and sipping her tea.

“What did you say again? Cottina Bazaar? Wow is that a new clothing line?”

She looked up and stared us all down. “No! I said cotton boxer shorts in all different colors! And they are very, very comfortable!”

I looked around the table at each of my friends. “Well you’ll never guess what I got. My own special pied a terre…His and Her cemetery plots! There was a sale and San said the price was too good to pass up.”

I looked around the table at this wonderful group of friends who had helped each other through the years, good times and bad, through weddings and funerals and all that happens in between. Raising my glass of tea I said, “Who needs diamonds for Christmas anyway! Here’s to us.. .The Wyldebunch."